123 of 365...All American Kitty

Older Drama Queen took this picture of Plato. I love how this photo turned out...

122 of 365...Miscarriage Was A False Alarm

After a very stressful couple of days, Geek Boy and I went ahead and went to our 5 hours of training today. I really was expecting the worst because we hadn't fully gotten over the traumatic experiences of last week's training. So I went into this class fully expecting a total "miscarriage" and we would just go adopt another cat or something. But to my surprise this training was pretty light hearted. The other couples in our class are GREAT and we ask a lot of questions, which our Family Specialist loves. The 5 hours really did go by quickly and by the end of class several of us were exchanging phone numbers and email addresses.

The Family Specialist was giving Geek Boy a hard time because he was challenging her in certain areas and told him she has our file FLAGGED and would make sure our home study is very thorough. It was all fun and teasing, though.

Just to give you an idea how stupid this system can be, let me give you a scenario. We CAN NOT under any circumstances have a trampoline in our yard. If our neighbor were to have a trampoline and our foster child wanted to go next door with the rest of the kids to play on the trampoline, there would need to be EIGHTEEN (18) TRAINED SPOTTERS to watch our one foster child. However, I don't have to lock up any of our alcohol. The alcohol can be at eye level to where the child can reach it.

Next week we have 8 more hours of behavioral training and WE ARE DONE WITH TRAINING FOR A YEAR. Our home study will be the week of August 7th. Crossing our fingers we can get our fingerprints done by that time. If all goes well, we could be verified by the end of September.

However, I did find out we have to provide healthy food and provide 3 meals a day along with snacks for our foster child. I really need them to define healthy. Cherry Pop Tarts instead of Chocolate Frosted ones????? 3 meals???? Seriously...LOL I'm good with going to McDonald's 3 times a day.

Now, there could be some snags and I am fully aware that I could still miscarry. But I'm going to tiptoe around here and try to be the cool and relaxed one and calm Geek Boy down when he has a full fledged panic attack. BTW, I'm the one on Prozac...not him. After last week's episode I was ready to slip him a few.

Oh and on another note, I had to have my doctor write a note stating how long I have been on Prozac, what is my diagnosis, and if I was fit to be a parent. I will be happy to report that my official diagnosis is not for depression. It's for PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Basically I'm a bitch and need to be on medicine...LOL And he also said that up to this point he has no reason for concern regarding my maternal capabilities. Yes, I have framed this letter and posted it so my girls can see it at ALLLL times.

121 of 365...Foster/Adoption Miscarriage???

A few days ago I was writing a blog in my mind regarding Foster/Adoption conception. I had planned on using analogies on how the beginning of the foster/adoption process is a lot like conceiving a child. But then something hit me head on yesterday afternoon and come to find out I will be blogging about a possible foster/adoption miscarriage.

For a few days or so, I could tell something just wasn't right in our household. I kept putting it in the back of my mind thinking, "Oh he's just tired and cranky from work," or, "Oh this homework is pretty detailed so he'll get to it when he has Friday off and has time to really think in depth about the answers."

But about 11 am yesterday, Geek Boy called me and confessed that he doesn't think he can do the whole foster to adopt thing and has a lot of reservations about adopting through the state. After the initial shock, I asked my boss if I could leave work a little early to try and meet with Geek Boy to go over these issues.

I mean, we have come sooooo far in this process. He has moved out of the man cave; we have decluttered and organized our house, we have announced this process to our friends and family, we have spent 20 grueling hours in training and not to mention all of the paperwork that comes along. We're soooooo freaking close!!!!

After meeting with Geek Boy and talking for about an hour, we kind of left things in an unresolved situation. About two hours later the anger, the mourning of this possible loss and the resentment hit me. I cried, I stomped my foot, I took a shower just to try and rinse all of the hurt I was feeling away. I shot out emails and texts to my friends for support and prayers. And all of this is being done without Drama Queens knowing what is going on.

Finally I decided to put my big girl panties on and talk rationally to Geek Boy. He has some very logical concerns. He is scared of the unknown. He went through the same 20 hours of training and heard the same horror stories of the abuse these kids have gone through. Our life is stressful enough raising two "normal" children so what's it going to be like to add a child who has is now in the system and has been abused or neglected? Normally I'm the person who says the glass is half empty and everything is doom and gloom, but for whatever reason my heart keeps telling me we are doing the right thing and that we need to continue on. I've talked to enough people and read enough blogs to know all of these feelings are normal and if you can get passed this stage, it will be fine.

There are a lot of other issues he is scared of like having to answer to the state and caseworkers about everything that goes on in his home. I keep telling him that in training, they are giving us worst case scenarios and I've talked to enough people to know we would not be subjected to all that. Will we have home inspections quarterly? Yes. Will we need to leave work to take the child to a visit with the parents or to the doctor? Yes, but we have to do that with our own children. Could we have an unannounced inspection? Possibly, but not probable. If we don't give them reason to show up unannounced then they probably won't.

So where do we stand? I'm not sure. We are going to finish our training classes. We are going to meet and talk with some friends who know the system and who have been through this process. Please stay tuned...

120 of 365...Where In The World Are Diva and Geek Boy???

Can't believe it's been over a month since I've blogged.

So June pretty much came an went. It was a pretty uneventful month, with the exception of Geek Boy's 41st birthday, our 16 year anniversary and Father's Day. Oh...and Little Drama Queen was vacationing all over the country with her grandparents. But as far as the adoption process, it was pretty uneventful. Geek Boy did some cleaning of the man cave. I did a little painting. We discovered Ikea!!!!

This past weekend we attended about 18-20 hours of training. My mind is still on overload from all of the information. What an emotional rollercoaster. The main thing I learned that in this process you must have PATIENCE, FLEXIBILITY AND FAITH. Those of you who know me very well know that I have little to no patience. As I get older the flexibility becomes easier to handle. We have a teenager for goodness sakes...you have to be flexible. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason so I have to have faith that this process will work itself out.

I don't want this to turn into a long blog and I will try to blog more frequently as I think of things to share, but please understand that this foster/adoption process is not something you can just pick out a child and it's done. The state does not move fast with anything. There is tons of paperwork to complete, background checks to look over, financial records to be approved, fire and health inspections, home studies by case workers. So if you ever ask me if we have a kid yet, and I scream at you, please don't take it personally. Please know that the process is long and grueling and very evasive. I still think it would be easier to go find a high school girl who is knocked up and ask her if she's interested in putting her baby up for adoption, but then I would probably be kicked out of the school and the PTA needs me too much...LOL

Now for those people who have thought about fostering or adopting through the state and they ask me if I would do this process knowing what I know now, I would say absolutely YES. There are children out there who need love and need advocates for them and if you could just save one child from the system, I would say go for it. If you're a married couple considering doing this, you have to have each other's back and have a strong marriage. Both parties have to be on board with this. I can honestly say that Geek Boy and I could not have started this process 3 years ago. Not sure what it would've done to our marriage but I can assure you it would not have been in the best interest of any CPS child to be in our home. And I'm not saying we were on the brink of divorce or that a child would've suffered in our home. I'm just saying that we could not have given the love and attention to a child in CPS. We didn't have the committment that it takes, but we do now and are very excited to move forward.

This week we will finish up more paperwork that has to be turned into our case manager and then we attend 5 1/2 hours of training next Saturday.

As always, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I promise to blog more. There's just so much to say and I get overwhelmed.

119 of 365...Date Night At The Clinic

First of all, I'm not sure why I continue to number my blogs. It's not like I am going to actually write 365 blogs this year. And as for the picture blog, yep not going to happen. I just find myself taking the same types of pictures and those tend to get pretty boring.

Anyway, now to the latest on the adoption process. One of the things Geek Boy and I are required to do for the adoption is get a TB test done. Insurance companies will not cover the test so it's very expensive to go to the doctor. Care Now wanted $77 for each test. The Health Department does them for $20 but only on certain days, which did not fit our schedule. So after doing some Google searches I found that CVS Minute Clinics do the testing for $27. I immediately called Geek Boy and asked him if we could have a date night. Of course who could say no to going to the clinic and getting stuck with a needle that could possibly cause a huge knot on your arm?

So after dropping Older Drama Queen off at youth group, we headed out to get our tests. It was pretty painless. She just stuck a needle under the skin of our arm and that was that. We had to wait 48 hours to see if a knot appeared on our arms. So she instructed us to come back Friday evening and have them evaluate our arms and they would give us official paperwork saying we're negative. What did that mean....woohoo...a bonus date night at the clinic.

Geek Boy and I took Older Drama Queen to dinner Friday night and then we went back to the clinic where I'm happy to announce, we do not have TB.

In other adoption news, we FINALLY signed up for all of our classes. Looks like by the end of July we'll have all of our classes wrapped up and will be able to schedule the Home Study. In the meantime, we HAVE to finish baby proofing this house.

We are trying to mark off a few things each week from the list so we're not scrambling around in August in a panic to get stuff crossed off.

118 of 365...First Training

Geek Boy and I attended our first training session for the adoption. It just absolutely baffles me how much training we have to go through in order to save a child and to get them out of the system. All the while, in most cases the mom and/or dad are not providing adequate care and are in no way shape or form able to take care of an innocent child. But it's like we are guilty until proven innocent.

But with that being said, we are still trudging forward with the process. It looks like we can finish 90% of our training classes by the end of July. There are a lot of what if's in this process. But we are certain that some place out there is a boy that is ready to join our home. It's just very overwhelming to hear of the "baggage" these kids come with.

There probably won't be any new developments for a couple of weeks. Our case worker is on vacation next week and we aren't scheduled to take another training class for two weeks. We may postpone the class due to a scheduling conflict. In the meantime, we are still organizing and decluttering the house. My goal tomorrow is to finish painting the hallway and then the next thing I want to do is clean out the pantry to get all of the chemicals out of a child's reach. Basically we need to baby proof our house. My 19 month old niece is coming over in a few weeks and I think she'll be able to help us out in that area...LOL

117 of 365...That Was Easy

If you're my Facebook friend or any kind of friend to me, you will know that this tearing down wallpaper project has been a bit off a....challenge (to say the least).

It all started 4 years ago (almost to the day that I'm writing this). There was a little piece of wallpaper pulling up and I had been contemplating taking it down and redecorationg so I thought, "What the heck? I'll just take it down and get this done in no time." That summer my brother and his then girlfriend were coming into town for a week or so. My goal was to get the whole hallway finished by the time they came for their visit.

Here's just a little glimpse of everything thing that has happened in that 4 years:

My brother and his girlfriend broke up right after that visit. He has since married a wonderful and beautiful young lady. He is now in the Army and starting a new life with his wife.

Older Drama Queen has had an eardrum transplant and using a hearing aid. She has lost all of her baby teeth. Graduated from elementary school and is now going into 8th grade. Went from wearing a size 3 shoe in youth size to wearing a size 9 shoe in women's size. She is about 5'2" (taller than me). Recently got two bar bell cartilage piercings. I won't even mention the bra size...LOL

Little Drama Queen was in preschool when this project started. She is now going into 4th grade. At the time, she hand no hand/eye coordination. Last week she received all sorts of gymnastics awards for the year. Oh...and this will really tell you how long this project lasted...4 years ago she couldn't even open a box of Pop Tarts. Not only can she open a box now, she can stick them in the toaster...LOL

Geek Book is on his second iPhone. He has acquired an iPad, network routers, a new laptop, desktop, Apple TV, 52" flat screen TV, Playstation 3, upgraded from a regular DVD player to a Blu Ray player.

Diva quit Myspace and found Facebook. Has gone through many hair colors and hair styles. Received a promotion at work. Went from wearing a size 8 to a size...you guess. Has also gone through 2 iPhones, 2 Kindles, 2 iPods, acquired an iPad, new laptop, 2 cameras.

Our family has welcomed 2 kittens in our home. Had to make the difficult decision to have our dog of 11 years put to sleep after an extended illness. There have been two baby nieces born in the family. 5 very close family members have passed away.

So last weekend the wallpaper was all torn down. I primed the walls and painted the walls that had wallpaper on them. At one point during the process I thought, "That was easy." Why did it take me so long to get this wallpaper off. Procastination perhaps? Lack of wanting to put forth any effort in making my home nice? Depression? Scared of what I would find underneath the wallpaper? Probably a little bit of all of the above.

The point of this blog is don't let things slow you down for 4 years. If you keep prolonging the inevitable then it causes so much unnecessary stress. Life is going to go on with or without you and it's how you choose to live it. I know it was just wallpaper, but it really brought me down for 4 years. The other night I was just staring towards the hallway and Older Drama Queen asked what I was staring at. I said, "The hallway. I can't believe it's finished."