121 of 365...Foster/Adoption Miscarriage???

A few days ago I was writing a blog in my mind regarding Foster/Adoption conception. I had planned on using analogies on how the beginning of the foster/adoption process is a lot like conceiving a child. But then something hit me head on yesterday afternoon and come to find out I will be blogging about a possible foster/adoption miscarriage.

For a few days or so, I could tell something just wasn't right in our household. I kept putting it in the back of my mind thinking, "Oh he's just tired and cranky from work," or, "Oh this homework is pretty detailed so he'll get to it when he has Friday off and has time to really think in depth about the answers."

But about 11 am yesterday, Geek Boy called me and confessed that he doesn't think he can do the whole foster to adopt thing and has a lot of reservations about adopting through the state. After the initial shock, I asked my boss if I could leave work a little early to try and meet with Geek Boy to go over these issues.

I mean, we have come sooooo far in this process. He has moved out of the man cave; we have decluttered and organized our house, we have announced this process to our friends and family, we have spent 20 grueling hours in training and not to mention all of the paperwork that comes along. We're soooooo freaking close!!!!

After meeting with Geek Boy and talking for about an hour, we kind of left things in an unresolved situation. About two hours later the anger, the mourning of this possible loss and the resentment hit me. I cried, I stomped my foot, I took a shower just to try and rinse all of the hurt I was feeling away. I shot out emails and texts to my friends for support and prayers. And all of this is being done without Drama Queens knowing what is going on.

Finally I decided to put my big girl panties on and talk rationally to Geek Boy. He has some very logical concerns. He is scared of the unknown. He went through the same 20 hours of training and heard the same horror stories of the abuse these kids have gone through. Our life is stressful enough raising two "normal" children so what's it going to be like to add a child who has is now in the system and has been abused or neglected? Normally I'm the person who says the glass is half empty and everything is doom and gloom, but for whatever reason my heart keeps telling me we are doing the right thing and that we need to continue on. I've talked to enough people and read enough blogs to know all of these feelings are normal and if you can get passed this stage, it will be fine.

There are a lot of other issues he is scared of like having to answer to the state and caseworkers about everything that goes on in his home. I keep telling him that in training, they are giving us worst case scenarios and I've talked to enough people to know we would not be subjected to all that. Will we have home inspections quarterly? Yes. Will we need to leave work to take the child to a visit with the parents or to the doctor? Yes, but we have to do that with our own children. Could we have an unannounced inspection? Possibly, but not probable. If we don't give them reason to show up unannounced then they probably won't.

So where do we stand? I'm not sure. We are going to finish our training classes. We are going to meet and talk with some friends who know the system and who have been through this process. Please stay tuned...