97 of 365...I Feel

No picture today. Just a blog on how I feel right now. At this very moment in time.

As a parent I feel...

1. Mad
2. Hurt
3. Used
4. Ungrateful
5. Unappreciated
6. Overworked
7. Sad
8. Spent
9. Hormonal
10. Worn out
11. Crazy


Without divulging a bunch of information, I have been in a slump this weekend. Probably one of my lowest points in a long time as a parent. I have to come to some hard decisions and it sucks. I don't like being the bitch mom. I want my kids to be happy and like me, but I guess that's the number one rule to parenting: You can't be your child's friend.

I want my children to appreciate me. I want them to say thank you once in a while. I want them to tell me they love me. I want them to affirm what a good mom I am. Other people tell me, why can't that just say it (total sarcasm tone)?

These are the words I pray for...

"Mom thank you for staying up late and getting up early this weekend to attend our extracurricular activites. I appreciate the time and money you and dad have spent so we are able to pursue my ambition. We will work harder and show you how much we want this. Mom thank you for cooking us breakfast this morning and making sure everything is packed ready to go for my game. Mom thank you for standing up for me this week when school wasn't going so great. Mom thank you for allowing me to spend time with my friends after school and rearranging your schedule so I can do that. Mom thank you for driving me to physical therapy so my ankle can get better. I promise to do my part and exercise during non-therapy days because it will only help me in soccer and basketball."

And she just said to me, "Mom where's MY Nutella?"

I know this is pretty self loathing and as a parent I just need to get over myself, but this is how I feel. Right or wrong. And I needed to get it out. I know I'm not alone and should feel blessed with what all I have, but my emotions are raw right now and I am hurting!!!